Ok, let’s be honest, this is not actually a review. Rather, it’s an anecdote of this girl’s response to watching the documentary for the first time – one that took me wholeheartedly by surprise.
I have the best husband there ever was, that ever will be. It’s Saturday night, I’ve been working all day (yes, on a Saturday), and I come home about 2 hours later than originally planned. The woodsy odor of toasted almonds greets me as I open the door – Sole amandine, my favourite. He tells me that we’re having a movie night. Perfect. What’s on the schedule? First up, Miss Representation. I melt. I have managed to marry the most feminist man on the planet. (Second up is Dédé à travers les brumes, another great choice, btw).
One of the reasons I was so psyched to be seeing MissRep right then was because I am planning on attending a screening and panel discussion on the documentary for International Women’s Day (March 8th). I thought it would behoove me to see it for myself first, reflect, and then have intelligent things to say or questions to ask. I’m not that good on the spot.
Plus, I’ve been dying to see it since watching the trailer. The trailer was sent to me by a fellow Girl Guide back in October. Her commentary was short and sweet: This is why girls need Guides. Watching it back then was like getting punched in the stomach. Alone in my office, eyes wide, it made me feel sick, physically nauseated. Powerful.
So, my husband and I sat down with our dinner and away we go. What was I expecting? I thought I would be shocked, outraged, called to arms, indignant. Yes, I felt that. What I didn’t expect was guilt, affliction, grief. 3 minutes into the film I burst into tears, and they continued to flow for the duration.
I cried my heart out for the entire 90 minutes of Miss Representation. I cried for myself, I cried for every woman I had met and those I hadn’t, I cried for men, for children, for America. I even cried for Sarah Palin.
In my drama and despair, I told my partner that I could not bear the risk of bringing a child into this world. I realized that the world that I believe in and dream of is generations away from reality, that my children will be victims the way that we are victims, without any way of knowing if it will get better. I told him I felt like I was wasting my time with non-profits empowering women and girls – that my passion would be better utilized in the corporate world or in politics.
He stopped the film. He’s not used to seeing me feeling hopeless, and I can see that I’ve got him worried. He knows that I want to have children with all of my heart. He knows that I believe that the struggle is not just necessary, it is essential to work to improve the lives of future generations. He knows it. I know it. But for 90 intense minutes, the dark side caught up with me.
It is important to look at the dark side. But it is also important to bring as much light with you as possible!
The light that you bring with you when you examine and explore the most painful parts of humanity is the love that you have for humanity. You bring your friends, you bring your partner, you bring your family and even that jerk that cut you off on your way in to work. You bring every ounce of forgiveness you can muster.
Saturday night I held on to my darling husband and counted my lucky stars. I will keep up the fight and generating light. Roland Barthes asks: Is it better to last or to burn? I say you gotta do both – you need to just keep adding fuel.
*** TRIGGER WARNING ***
Miss Representation Trailer: It’s 8 minutes and 52 seconds that are worth your time. Watch it.